It’s been a crazy 6 weeks being home with a newborn and 2 year old toddler. My days are getting mixed up, the day never seems to have enough hours, and sleep deprivation is something I thought was bad with my first but is no where comparable this time around.
My children are complete opposites, but together, they’re in sync with wanting all of my attention. And it’s been a struggle, for sure, trying to devote my time to my newborn and to my toddler. I know everyone says to not worry about my toddler at this time; she is resilient and won’t hold a grudge when I am spending less time with her and more time with the new baby. I still can’t help but worry if I am doing enough.
I feared jealousy and tantrums pre-pregnancy, but it hasn’t been anywhere near that for the past 6 weeks (I hope I’m not jinxing myself..). To me, as a mom, I’m wanting to be super mom. I’m wanting to spend enough time with the new baby and with my toddler. I’m wanting my toddler to not think she’s being neglected or that we love her any less. I’m wanting to enjoy the (rare) quiet moments I get with my newborn. I’m wanting to be able to have the house spotless by the time my husband gets home from work and a hot dinner ready on the table waiting for him. I’m wanting it to all be perfect and run smoothly but there are days, many days, it doesn’t.
There are days he comes home and I’ve got a crying baby in my arms and a crying toddler at my feet. There are days there is no hot dinner, but packaged Ramen noodles with a note saying, “sorry.” There are days the house is a complete mess, dishes are in the sink, and in some miracle both kids have fallen asleep but instead of me tending to the home, I’m trying to work as diligently and as fast as I can before that miracle hour is up and one or both babies are then awake.
This is motherhood for me. Tears, hardship, some tantrums, but also full of endless love. Because in between those hectic days, it’s full of love and laughter. I see my toddler being gentle with her baby sister when she kisses her head every morning and night and any chance she can get. I see the baby stare at my toddler with big curious eyes (I am waiting for the moment she smiles at her big sister). I see my toddler sing to her baby sister, and I see her try to calm her down when she fusses up (she’ll say”shhh” to her and run to find baby’s paci, and tell her “it’s okay”).
I never thought I would be a mom of one. So being a mom of two beautiful babies is amazing to me. I am blessed. Truly blessed.